Am I crazy living this dream?
Am I crazy for going to the ends of the earth just to live a dream that many people would have died while trying? Am I so insane to do most of these steps on my own? Well, who isn't crazy to follow their dream? I honestly think I'm crazier not trying. I don't care if it makes me uncomfortable - I'm going to follow my dream.
Ever since I can remember, all I wanted to do was sing. I have many memories of me singing as a child, whether I sang along to my favorite artist on the radio or sang one of my own corny creations. You know, the ones about falling in love or getting hurt. Or probably about some "My Little Pony" fixation. Just kidding.
Singing, for me, is catharsis unlike anything I can describe. I don't know where it comes from. Perhaps, it is one of life's mysteries. I believe it is a gift from God, because I can't say that I am a random experiment to ascertain what strange sounds will escape the lining of my vocal folds.
I started my songwriting journey as a child. I remember sitting in school just daydreaming of being the next big pop star. I know, I know; it's a pipe dream. Who can actually achieve this? I don't know the statistics, but what I do know is that when one pop star emerges, another is released from a record label, and ultimately deemed a flop in the eyes' of the music industry.
You may or may not know this, but I am currently writing and recording my first EP and LP. I have decided to release an EP and then a full-length album, because I want to take you on a journey, while not sacrificing the art of recording my story. It's truly a long, arduous, blood-pressure-inducing experience. Now, it's not because it causes me pain; in fact, I feel tremendous joy from recording, but at the same time it's like walking on to a lake of ice not knowing if you will skate across without harm or fall to your demise after the sheet crashes beneath you.
I have experienced enough happiness, pain, rejection, and confusion to release 1,000 albums, but we don't have all day to listen to that, now do we. I want to take the listener on a journey, and also make them question their motives. I have recorded 6 songs so far. I just released a single called "Lanterns in the Sky." This was actually the 3rd song my producer and I had recorded (HEY TONE!). I was really apprehensive about releasing this song because it stirred up those feelings of fear, vulnerability, and rejection that I have long written about. Long story short, we ended up releasing it, and I am really glad that I did.
I love to write from personal experience, and that is just what I am have been and plan to continue doing. I don't know where this journey will take me, but I do know that for once I have dedicated 100% percent of my worth to something that I am passionate about. I have the love and support from friends and loved ones, but ultimately I have given that to myself. So, maybe I am a little crazy. So what? I'll never regret failing while trying because I will have something to reflect on, and tangibly say that I did without hesitation.
- Antonio Dudley